week10....

it has been a long long way to go... i get very exhausted... my face became so dull and lack of laughter.... i wanted a long rest... but.... i don't think i can rest until the end of the semester... haiz.... what to do... this is call life....

that incident has passed about one month...
but i cant really erase that bad memory,
although its just s short moment....
i've noticed the true reality of human...
i've found out that human is always that fake....
i've known that the truth is always harsh to people...
why must it like that?
do you know how unfair it is to be treated like that?
you will not realise as you did not experience it....
just let it go.... and live your own life....

你走吧！

我想把你忘得一干二净。请你离开吧。不要在我身边走来走去。快走快走！！ 滚滚！！ 快滚!! 别再这样着折磨我。就当作我拜托你。谢谢。

what kind of human am i?
am i a human??
what kind of insect am i ?
am i an insect?
what kind of animal am i?
am i an animal?
i don't know....
i have an honour to be a human,
because god created me...
i have an honour to give,
because god send me to give....
i have an honour to receive,
because god receive help....
i have an honour to love,
because god love me...
i, a human who is pleased with everything i had...
i, do not have to change because im borned to be such a human....
i, a human with humanity....
filled with love and care....
a human!!

pls....

hey, come on... im not in a mood to fight with you... why must you end our conversation with an argument? i don't like that... please.... i had enough of that... i had my patience up to a limit already.... ok?? don't get me out of my control.... i don't feel like quarrel with anyone can u just tolerate with me?? just once?? please..... haiz....

being so, im tired....
being so, im exhausted...
being so, i quit....

im back...

have been a moment i din write my blog... i was very busy recently i guess... or can say... im doing nothing... except stressing myself... or relaxing myself all around... doing stuff that are being forced... im about to lose my breath... am i dying? i don't know... i wouldn't want to know... do u know why? i, myself don't even know what had happen to me.... feeling barred? feeling bored, feeling crazy, feeling mounted.... feeling undescridable.... feeling nothing except heavy heartbeats... i'm smiling and laughing everyday... i am happy!! but i am uncertain in a way.... with friends, i can laugh without reasons but when i was alone, i will cry and go mad without reason.... hoho... do i need to go to counselling centre or for any treatment? currently, i can feel there is a large flame in my heart... it can blow anytime.... i hope that flame will not hurt anyone... i will keep that flame to myself... so, friends, don't worry... i will not hurt all of you... i promise....

你的身影。

你知道吗？
你让我好想念。我不曾那么想念，我也不曾那么寂寞。
自从你的出现，我懂了寂寞这个字。我也懂了什么叫等待。
我好想，好想。在你的生命中，点燃你的世界。
我。真的。好想，你的声音，你的微笑，你的鼓励，你的每一个动作。
我会谅解的。安心吧！

Ichana! itsuhamnida....

a life,
full with ups and downs,
filled with great threat,
surrounded by all flares,
moving in a grand red cloth;
but fall into a deep cold forest....
a life,
which decides our fortune and future,
which it traps us or free us,
which we could not deny,
onto the path of life...
a life,
with no guarantee,
with no support,
with no slight lit,
life which can darken our sight....
a life,
with courage,
with great breath,
and with great slant smile,
can lead us to bright line;
but it may also vanish our tray...
a tray of glasses into ashes....
a life which we are moving on....
its a life....

Today~

today, i felt so empty...
today, i felt so sick...
today, i felt so floating...
today, i felt so annoyed...
today, i felt moodless....
no mood to study,
no mood to work out,
no mood to do anything....
i cant find out what is my problem...
my brain jammed! my brain stucked!!
what a sad stuff...
potent laziness and potent disfunction....
haiz...

Ban Gap Sup Nee Da...

its been a while that i din update my blog... hahax... anyone miss me? or my blog? or my msg? hahax... im jus kidding anyway.... hoho... it has been 2 weeks for my sem 2.. its hectic... wow, u cant imaging that sue ann is running here n der jus to go for classes... hahax... i also cant imaging myself running around... huhuhu....lolx....

sedangkan ku sudah berpasangan,
ku masih kekurangan;
tetapi kehadirannya menerangkan hatiku,
dia telah menerangkan keseoranganku;
ku pasti akan mencintainya lebih daripadanya,
ku pasti akan memberi kebahagiaan kepadanya...

hahax... thanks to him that i can overcome my loneliness and everything... and thx to Thacha who always support me in everything and to Poh Choo who always accompany me n thacha for dinner... thanks to all of you... and of cz thanks to TE1 too... becuz u guys din abandoned me too... thank you!! take care!! Ch@oxzz~

sorry....

having different feeling is not a guilt nor sin,
having the wrong feeling is not at fault at all...
u know, we cannot control our own feelings as it comes naturally...
i guess everyone knows about that...
i hope that person may forgive me,
but should i let go?
or i should go for it though its quite imposible?
any answer?
i think that person's answer is NO... hahax....
take care....

say goodbye lor....

after being with everyone for 3 months, i had learnt so many stuff and understand alot of things... do u know actually in university's life is not as easy as we expected? Hahax... i guess its much more tougher than normal attire. we learnt to be independent... we learnt to carry out house chores by our own as my mom did that for me when i was young. We learn and learn. during the moment in kampar, i learnt to cook, i learnt to observe and adapt. At last, i succeed. In UTAR, my life was like seramble.. messy and untidy. Ups and downs. arguements and fights. Hahax... normal stuff i guess? anyway, my friends, u guys gonna keep up and take care of urself. if we were still in the same path, we will meet again. see yea, guys! ch@osxx....

u know that....

what u wanted to know, i have the answer.... but i don't think i could give u any answer for now... because i am now in serious confusion.... i don't really know what answer should i give u... well, if u wanted to know u can find it in that particular place.... the place which we met that moment.... i hope u understand.... take care....

??

what i feel is right, as what i wanted to feel is right..
what i see is right, as what i wanted to see is what it is...
what i sense is right, as what i wanted to sense is that sensation...
what i touch is abstract, as i wanted to touch but i could not...
what i hold is nothing, as what i wanted to hold has fallen...
i wanted to know everything i wanted to know,
but i could not have the chance to get it....
why n how only i could really find out the truth?
why n how only i could really feel what i would like to feel?
sensing and capturing could not show me the climax or the peak,
i guess i need to know it by myself....
could i?

DBSK....

max~

hero~

xiah~

hero kim jae joong~

DBSK, u guys are great.... arghx... thanks to WG... they wake me up of DBSK's abilities... hahax... thank you...

being an outsider....

after being thru all those stuff, i found out that i am jus an outsider...
after being thru all these stuff, i found out that i am jus an unknown...
after i hav seen all the stuff(s), i found out that i am jus an out-sider....
after seen everything, i found out that that is not the truth...
after seen everything, i found out that that was jus a misunderstanding....
after gone thru everything, i found out that i was jus a stupid waiting for u...
after having all the stuff done, i found out that i mistaken what i felt...
after knowing the truth, i think i shall back off and leave d world with u....
as i shall jus give up... or i shall jus go on to get it??

life is going on....

although we had done all the tests and assignments, stress is still flowing around.
another 2 n the half weeks, final exams turn up.
stress again!! haiz.... when only all these will end? its kind of boring and frustrating.
totally a mess. not even a sequence of life over here.
problems and problems. solutions and solutions. troubles and troubles.
when its going to end?
co-operations, hard work and pre-union is gonna end soon, because we are choosing the new timetable for the next trimester. soon, we will be broken into groups. well, shall we say a temporary goodbye?
hahax... no idea to desribe that. anyway, take care my friends.
wow, im looking forward for this friday, im going back to hometown!!
yes!! so happy. it has been 3 months not being in penang with my family. miss them lots... arghx... my piano is gone. so, cant see it anymore. miss it lots la... the new owner must take good care of it yea... its my success and my precious baby. farewell, pianoby. bring success to the new owner too.

broken~

i am sorry ....

sorry.............

undescridable feeling~

how wise must i be?
why must i face all these problems?
why must all problems appear in front of me?
cant just let them flow away?
i cant hold on anymore ....
i wish everyone happy... i wish i could brightens ppl's life...
but i made it worse....
i tried to....
tried to be very very wise...
tried to ....
i really don't know what to do....
can anyone tel me?
why must i be the one who solve ?
n why should the solution and the ending will be me?
why i would like to carry those responsibilities?
i am not that mean....
please... i am not that mean....
i am not...

how u call it?

when someone hurts you,
what will you feel?
when someone breaks your heart,
what will you consider?
when someone back stab you,
what will you do?
when someone you loved hurts you,
what can u react?
when someone u cared betrayed you,
what can you do?
when someone closest to you hates you,
what can i resist?
when someone furthest from you care about you,
how will you response?
when someone ask how you call these?
i will say its an experience to me...
as i know who to love and who to care....

Forgive...~

i shall forgive you if you could forgive urself,
i shall forgive you if you could show your increment,
i shall forgive you if you could see your trueself,
i shall forgive you if you could show your sincerity,
i shall forgive you if you could forgive others,
i shall forgive you if you could know the truth,
i will forgive you as to forgive you,
because you are my friend...

why?

i cant resist...
i cant hold on....
i cant keep it up....
i cant just....
i really cant resist....
what can i do?
i really cant hold on....
who can held on for me?
i really cant keep up....
how would i be?
i really cant just....
why?
am i invisible to u all?
am i just a tool or a toy?
or am i just a doll which cant help you?
why?
i cant understand...
i don have the mood to understand....
why!!??

ideas... ideas....

weren't everyone is having a relaxation?
weren't all problems are solved?
weren't all the troubles and moubles are gone?
weren't all stress and pressure are mounted away?
weren't everything is back to normal?
i think the world is still in the dark side,
although everything has overcomed.
weren't human still a kind?
weren't human's heart can be sustained?
weren't human's skills can be predicted?
weren't everything can be sensed?
i think the world is still full of question marks,
though everything has been answered.
this is because human's heart is unpredictable....

hahax.... comp presentation....

what the!! why am i doing that post? like aunty oni...

where is wen ge? ^ there he is... lolx....

wow.... united... 6 in 1.... woohooo.....

aiya... we r having a slight discuss... wahhahax....

emoing.....

wong hann you... is he cute? hahax.. actually his nervous....

cool post....

wen guang... eyes prob... hahax... having eye contact la....

our group leader, Ong Yew Sin... hahax... steady but shaky....

is he singing? no... his preeching.... lolx.....

wow....

wow, u will not see the world,
wow, u will not see the truth,
wow, u will not see the triumph,
wow, u will not see everything,
wow becuz u take everything meaningless...
wow, u will not see that person's heart,
wow, u will not see that person's behaviour,
wow, u will not see that person's actions,
wow, u will not see that person's cruelty,
wow becuz u will never understand the wicky of us...
wow becuz u r the cruel n the wicked one....
wow becuz u r the one who controls everything....
wow becuz u r the one who plans everything....
wow becuz u r the one who betrayed everyone behind their back...
wow becuz u r the back stabber...
wow becuz u r the culprict....
don't ever wow if u r not the wower....!!

1175....

To: My dearest housemates

U guys are great. And u guys will still be the best in my heart. whenever im sad, after seeing u al, i will be happy. everytime i have problems, u guys will surely share with me. Its my great gift to stay in 1175 with all of you. No matter we r staying in which floor, we all still can chit chat with each other. its just like a big family. I was so shocked to have such a wonderful house - not as i expected. My mom said its god's gift. i hope everyone in this house will always appreciate each other. take care yo!! I will miss u guys in the future. LOVE u girls...

TE1

Arghx.... I love my classmates though... they are so cute. Most of them are caring and nice. Sometimes they were busy with their stuff, they are still willing to spend time 2gether. What a wonderful classmates! hahax.... Actually get to be in TE1 is my fortune. I had no idea how to describe my class. i could say is they r always supporting me. no matter what i do, no matter wt i did, they r still right beside me. thanks to TE1... U all brought me happiness. TQ!

After all.....

After that incident, i found out that its just a coincidence. although we have a kind of 'jodoh', we r still having a gap between us. After i had sensed the whole thing, i noticed that im not qualified. I have no idea what makes me disqualified. But its 'a' sure that i had lost my battle. moreover, its my failure because i was not his boom after all.
My friends are having problems with each other. I would like to help them but i have no sense of solutions for their problem. I would like to share their sadness by helping them but i just could lend them my ears. That's all I could do. Am i useless? Or just that im an ousider? I hope that they could be happy as long they know that i am always supporting them.
To : Kelvin and friends
i hope u guys can recover soon. kelvin, u must pray to God for protection. HE will always save you from everything including death. i will pray for u too. The rest of my friends, u guys must take good care of urself. now H1N1 is spreading widely. i dont wanna see anyone of u fall sick. we shall pray hard 2gether to combat H1N1. please pray along with me. take care of others too. Thank you....

whenever u pass by....

Whenever u pass by, there is a slight wind. whenever u pass by, there is a kind of warmness. Whenever u pass by, there is an attachment to me. whenever u pass by, i feel happy and my heart is beating very fast. but if u did not pass by, my day will be down and feel worried. Whenever i see u, i feel safe. whenever i had a glance on u, i feel happy enough. Whenever u r sad, i hope to make u happy but i do not know how to entertain. Im sorry. whenever u r happy, i wanted to share ur happiness but u rather to share with others. Im speechless. whenever u need me, Im here. though Im here, u will never look for me either. U will still prefer to look for her. Maybe Im just a normal and plain friend to u. Anyway u r not just a normal friend to me. i hope u will always be happy. Take care...

Bio test ar....

Hahax... everyone is afraid of test and exams i guess... Erm... i am one of them but this time i didn't even study for it. haiz... i think i gonna be in a big trouble. Wooo... Hahax... this is kinda big fear to me. this is because i had never try my best to get into it. BIO!! arghx.... why la must always have test yor... U know la i do not like to study for test. Ish... 2nite will be my nightmare. haiz. i wish others all the best! i hope all the best from me too... hahax....

Bad feelings...

I....I....I.... am having a bad feeling. A very very bad feeling. this is because i fall in love already. i had forgotten the meaning and the feeling of being in love or to love since those things happened. I tried to forget it but those memories are still crawling in my head. after 2 and the half years, i still can remember those scenes and sad moments. i still cant forget the pain and sufferings. Maybe others had a worse situation, but i believe my pain is worth for my life. due to this experience, i had learnt to be much more tougher than before. i had learnt to love myself more. i had learnt that give up is also a type of love. honestly, giving up a relationship is a very difficult thing to handle. Forget a deep in loved person is not an easy job. Its a bravo to those who can succeed in doing this. some people said love must surely own and have that particular person. but to some people, by wishing others happiness is only called as love. however, to me, letting love to flow in and out is more suitable. This is because im not qualified to love and being loved by others. I will regret soon...

The world

Have you seen the world is being bright and dark forever? Have you seen that actually our world is full of colors rather than black and white? Eventually, our world is full of wonderful scenes such as some beautiful phenomena and being filled by all types of people. this is a gift to us. although we felt that the world is unfair, we will still love the world as how the world appreciate our presence. Love is very essential in our life. being in this world, you must know how to love and care about others. you must ensure that you are qualified to be in this world that is to love others as to love yourselves. Only loving person is qualified in this world. As we know, human is the weakest species. thus, as a human we must always care for each other to preserve our human population. So, friends, we should always stand by and conserve our friends around us. we must always appreciate what we have and what we gain. take care buddies!!

what happen?

After 3 months in kampar, i felt that myself isn't myself. I have the feeling that i had change... I had no idea which part of me has changed. I had no idea too why i am so interrupted. What has happen to me? Is it too hectic or just a moment of drastic mood swing? i had no idea...
I had a feeling that i am no longer that capable anymore... I am lack of care, love, and etc. I had done many stuff which i had not done since decade ago. I'm having weird feelings again recently. Those feelings which i had not experience since 2 years ago. i though i will not be able to feel and being touched. but i had failed to maintain that determination... Failure!!